Although negative images of lesbians in mainstream entertainment have drawn protests from many gay organizations, there exists a subset of the lesbian population that holds movies such as "Basic Instinct" and "Showgirls"--hearty purveyors of gay stereotypes--in high esteem. Some lesbians appreciate these movies as examples of high camp, riddled with over-the-top gay cliches that are too ridiculous to take seriously.

With all that in mind, I submit to you that the first issue of the DC comic book series, Amazons Attack! The Fall Of Washington! is the comic book equivalent of Basic Instinct. It mines the field of women-alone and lesbian pulp villainy for all its worth, and I found I could not get through a single page without dissolving into giggles. I'm going to call out just a few of this title's many highlights (SPOILERS):

The story opens in front of the Lincoln Memorial. A boy of around 8, who for some reason can't read, asks his father to decipher the words of Lincoln graven beneath his statue:

Son: "What's that word?"
Father: "Fathers."
Son: "What's that word?"
Father: "Equal."

I think there's a reference to the father's rights movement in this terse exchange. But before we can get too involved with the father and son story, there's an interruption.

On a impressive spread, an army of Amazons have assembled a rally, Nuremberg style, next to the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool. The Amazons are accompanied by dinosaurs--probably those lesbian dinosaurs from Jurassic Park that figured out how to mate with each other and produce offspring.

In case you're unsure about the Amazons intentions, a helpful scene here makes it crystal clear. We see the father down on his hands and knees, quivering and crying before an Amazon soldier who hacks him mercilessly with her sword. If this were made into a camp movie, this is the part where all the dykes in the theater would stand up and start screaming, "KILL HIM! KILL HIM!"


I love the close-up image of the blood spattering across the face of the bloodthirsty Amazon, shown above.

Over at the White House, the President is being briefed by an aide on the women's attack. He responds, "Women? Who are they? Israeli?" Then we see the heads of two Secret Service men snapping back dramatically as Amazon arrows land right between their eyes! With the guards dispatched, two Amazonian archers approach the President and his aide, who they refer to as "the cowering one," wondering what to do with them. One soldier comments, "I'll leave that up to you." Oooooo, Amazon torture techniques. Pass the white hot nipple clamps, sister. Then hit him with a wire hanger.

The Amazons overrun Washington D.C. Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons, rouses the troops by standing in front of the Washington monument while she addresses her army, saying, "...this city and its architecture mock the buildings of our beloved Themyscira." You have to have an angry woman ranting about a phallic symbol in a title like this. As U.S. war planes approach in retaliation, one of the pilots orders, "Get ready for a strafing run on all those little ladies below." For the rest of the comic, the cigar chomping head of Central Command continues to discuss the military's efforts to subdue "the ladies."

I wonder if there's time to change the name of this title before issue #2 comes out. I think it should be called "Little Ladies Attack!"