"I am not watching one more time!" I vowed to those in the room. "It's over! I'm done with it! They have so jumped the shark for me!"
My outburst came moments after the marathon watching last year's Academy Awards show with the Cute Little Red Headed Girlfriend, Joe, and the Sister. I was pissed over Brokeback Mountain's losses, which I attributed to homophobia. I was expecting my pals to join me in my righteous anger, but instead I was faced with smiles and soft chuckles. I was confused.
"Don't you agree with me?!" I asked.
"Yes, we agree with you," the Girlfriend said jovially. "It's just that you say this every year."
"No. I mean it this time!"
Okay, so let's just say I meant it for several months. Until the Academy announced that Ellen DeGeneres would be hosting the awards in 2007, and I came to terms with the inevitable.
But I'm going to need help getting through it. So this year, inspired by the annual State of the Union Address Drinking Game, I'm going to devise my own Academy Awards Drinking Game. Every time I hear a reference to piracy, copyright or DRM technologies, I'm taking a drink.
This year, I think I'll be pulling for The Devil Wear Prada. It's a hard choice between Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep, but you know, I just loved that moment when Miranda Priestly commands Andrea to get down on the carpet and hike up that ugly skirt immediately.
Wait, it didn't happen that way? Actually I went looking for Miranda/Andrea fan fiction and found some at a Russian livejournal site. I thought I had explored the outer reaches of slash fan fiction before, but until you've used Google's BETA Russian language translator to read a femslash story, I don't think you can really say that you've explored all that the genre has to offer.